Bradshaw’s Guide
by Fred Albert & Henry S. Leigh, 1876
I had to make a journey a little while ago,
Somewhere down the Midland Counties, you must know;
A charming little creature was seated by my side,
Who asked if I would lend her my Bradshaw’s Guide.
This lady she was troubled with absence of mind,
The ticket for a journey she had left it far behind,
She could not recollect the town to which she wish’d to ride.
So begg’d that I would lend her my Bradshaw’s Guide.
SPOKEN.
Yes, she had actually forgotten the name of the town that she wished to travel to. Could only remember that the word contained the letter R. M. or W. So I began to run thro’ a list of towns whose names contain that letter, such as
CHORUS.
Birmingham and Sandringham, Ulverton and Wolverton,
Dorchester and Porchester, Rochester and Ryde;
Arlington and Darlington, Torrington and Warrington
She said she’d sure to find it in my Bradshaw’s Guide.
Then I produced my Bradshaw, and said to her, fair Miss,
Perhaps the place you’re wanting you may find it out in this;
She took the volume from my hand, and eagerly she tried
To find the town she wanted in my Bradshaw’s Guide.
She searched o’er ev’ry leaf, and turn’d o’er ev’ry page,
Until at last the lady, she got in quite a rage;
She soon turned round to me, and bitterly she cried,Â
Dear sir, I cannot find it in your Bradshaw’s Guide.
SPOKEN.
Although she said she had read all through
CHORUS.
Birmingham and Sandringham, Ulverton and Wolverton,
Dorchester and Porchester, Rochester and Ryde;
Arlington and Darlington, Torrington and Warrington
She said she’d sure to find it in my Bradshaw’s Guide.
I reached my destination, and was going to alight,
When she placed her hand upon my arm, and said, with much affright
Oh, dear Sir, don’t leave me, all alone to ride,
What shall I do without you, and my Bradshaw’s Guide?
Said I, then come along with me down to my Hotel,
Perhaps the place you’re wanting, you may happen there to tell,
So she linked her arm in mine and I escorted her with pride,
Said I, I’ll be your friend, Miss, and your Bradshaw’s Guide.
SPOKEN.
And said I, we will soon discover whether it is
CHORUS.
Birmingham and Sandringham, Ulverton and Wolverton,
Dorchester and Porchester, Rochester and Ryde;
Arlington and Darlington, Torrington and Warrington
She said she’d sure to find it in my Bradshaw’s Guide.
I hired a conveyance and quickly off we rode,
I took her to my quarters, where she took up her abode;
And all the livelong day, then both of us, we tried
To find the town she wanted in my Bradshaw’s Guide.
And while we both were searching, I squeezed her little glove,
And suddenly discovered that I was deep in love,
I proposed and was accepted, and now she is my bride,
And together we amuse ourselves with Bradshaw’s Guide.
SPOKEN.
And of course, you know, she doesn’t care anything now, about
CHORUS.
Birmingham and Sandringham, Ulverton and Wolverton,
Dorchester and Porchester, Rochester and Ryde;
Arlington and Darlington, Torrington and Warrington
She said she’d sure to find it in my Bradshaw’s Guide.